Ah, Linux,
The April fool's joke of the computing world and an embarrassment to the open-source philosophy. The brat that hasn't learned to shut the fuck up and do something more productive to its cause. The hacking tool used by script kiddies who think they are "l337 haxors" after typing 10 lines of code in Pearl. A prime example of how group-think leads to less productive activity. Communism in electronic form. Now Im sure we all have by now heard the same old cliches about old Tux being the best thing since sliced bread, but eventually, they just beg to be examined a little more, as follows.

1) Linux is free.

And I'm the king of Peru. If it really is free, then the Linux sites would have no pop-up windows and ads asking for donations. Getting Luddix may be "free", but having to end up buying up to $200 worth of new hardware just to run a computer at 1/20 the speed of Windows 95 throws the whole concept of free out the door.

Also the "Free as in Beer" line is pure bullshit, because the can of Budweiser I got at the store cost me $1.39, and it costs money to get whole-grain wheat flour to create home-brewed alcohol.
And no, dumb-ass, speech is not free either. If you don't believe me, try going up to a cop and string some four-letter words in his face, nd see if he will respect your freedom of speech.

2) Linux is fast and does not contain bloat-ware like Micro$hit Windoze.

If you think Microsoft Windows is bloat-ware, you haven't tried Red Hat, ELX, or SusE, because THOSE define bloat-ware. Up to 7 CDs full of useless junk right there. And Luddix is fast alright, compared to the time it takes for Neptune to circle around the Sun. And you won't believe how much RAM a typical Lunix distribution gobbles up. Better make sure you have an extra 512MB stick of RAM handy. (Note: If you want to see a fast operating system that's not Linux, check out BeOS at www.bebits.com. Now THAT, my friend, is fast!)

3) Linux gives you choices.

That would have been fine if there were 4 distributions. Hell, that would have been okay if there were 9 distros. But 300 distros is fucking insane, especially if 293 of them suck shit through a straw.

4) with Linux, you have a wide variety of GUIs and applications.

Yeah, too bad they are all poorly-designed, and look like ripoffs of anything that Microsoft or Apple makes. Not to mention, having to type 30 fucking lines of code just to get the program to open is pure joy.

5) 2005/2004/2000/1999/1998: The Year of the Linux Desktop.

The year came and went, Windows and MacOS logos are still flashing on the screens of those who are not blessed with the faggotry of geekism. Where oh where did Tux go? The kernel that every computer "expert" hyped would be the killer of Micro$oft? Surely Walmart can't hold up the weight of the Linux community with its $300 Linspire boxes (which end up being a dirt cheap way of installing Windows on a new computer) Looks like the Lin-zealots lied to us again, which is typical of those bastards. And it's also hard to believe that it's been over 10 years, and the fucking penguins STILL haven't created anything that even Apple would give a shit about.

6) Linux is more secure and easier to improve than Windoze.

Until the terrorists, cultists, and malicious coders get their hands on Lunix. If they haven't already. After all, it is open-source, and by definition, open-source means that everybody gets to contribute their input into the kernel.

7) The Linux community is willing to lend a helping hand to those not familiar to the kernel.

If a helping hand means,
(a) telling grandma to RTFM and
(b) posting 9 spelling-error-filled pages of insults, death-threats, and jokes about gay sex/male body parts/fairy-tale creatures on a Linux message board because she politely asked how to get her sound card to work,
then surely the Luddix community is the most generous group in the world.

8) Linux is more stable than Windoze

I like that, plus the fact that you can't run anything without 200 dependencies (see dependency) or 30 lines of code.

Now that we're done breaking down the crap, here are some things the Lunatix community has no choice but to fix, if they ever want old Tux to be on more than 0.0003% of all desktops.

1) GET RID OF X! It is a waste of resources and useless as a desktop GUI. At least the guy who created Damn Small Linux had the right idea, and as a result, created a distro that actually isn't bloat-ware.

2) Get rid of all those useless fucking window managers and themes. They add more bloat to the system.

3) Get rid of the snobs, l337 haxors, and religious extremists in your midst. If you ever wonder why nobody is using Linux, it's because these bastards are the loudest and rudest of the bunch.

4) NO MORE TARBALLS OR COMPILES! The software should already be compiled BEFORE it is released, because that's just pure fucking laziness and the programmer deserves to be hanged.

5) Rewrite the entire Lin-architecture so that programs don't need 200 fucking dependencies just to work.

6) Rewrite the entire Lin-architecture so that it doesn't require a 5-hour compile whenever an updated of a text-editor/MP3 player/Tux-Racer game is installed.

7) GET THE FUCKING HARDWARE TO WORK! If the "Winmodem" works on a FreeBSD box and a BeOS box with generic drivers, then there is no excuse for the modem to not work under Linux.

8) Standardization is good, especially when it comes to file packaging and installation.

9) Get rid of all the useless fucking distros that are clogging up the Internet. Nobody is going to use 290 of them anyway, so you might as well just band together and focus your talents and resources (and MY donation money) on the 10 most used distros.

10) Make the emulation PERFECT! If WINE promises to emulate Windows programs, then it damn well better emulate every piece of Windows-compatible software sold at Office Depot or Electronics Boutique. Failure to do so is unacceptable and will result in the purchase of a real OS (Windows XP).
If Average User Joe has to spend 5 hours downloading a 3-CD Linux distro from your crappy servers or end up shelling out $50 to $180 at Best Buy for the same distro because (a) the servers are not available or (b) don't exist, then Joe expects that distro to (1) install flawlessly, (2) work right out of the box, and (3) support all his hardware. If said Linux distro violates any of the three expectations, then don't expect Linux to succeed.
af Tirk Dogg 28. februar 2005
An alternative operating system to that of windows or mac. Can be used for servers, mobile phones and digital tv recievers. Can be customised to suit the user. Is based on Unix, Written by Linus Torvalds.
There are about a hundred different versions of linux distributed to millions of people on billions of computers-so you can bet your ass that one os will be different from the next. Linux allows the user to re-program the software to suit them-this is how many software glitches are sorted out with one person programming one part of the system while another person focusses on another part. Windows only allows this to an extent (ie changing a user name or startup sounds or desktop background etc) so for this reason many software bugs cannot be fixed and hence windows being so unstable. Linux is good for driving mobile phones or powering servers but is impractical for use with the average computer gamer/secretary/photo editor. In other words, a person with programming experience would opt for Linux as they can customise it to suit them, whereas a person wishing to read email or surf net would opt for Windows or Mac as they will not have to know anything about programming first.
Newer versions of linux can make applications (ie Windows media player or Mac video editor) run with Linux.

Note: A particularly bad combination is: Dell computer, Pentium 4 CPU and Windows XP. Try switching the combination (ie fit an AMD Athlon CPU)-this i am pointing out as many unstabilities are rooted to the CPU and combination of hardware components, rather than the actual software itself.
af Stevie RC 21. juli 2005
At least linux isn't backing up the TCPA, fuckheads. If microsoft were in control all you could do on computers is sit on your ass and play your little games all day.
af restin256 22. december 2003
Linux is one of three major operating sysems (windows,mac, linux)
Linux is Free opposed to the others making pre installed laptops much much cheaper.
Linux also has no known viruses, is much cheaper, works MUCH FASTER and is barely exposed to crashes.
However it involves using other versions of everything such as MSN, Word and excel.
Many debate it bad and many debate it better.
YOU: ew why can't you nudge on msn?!
ME: *rolls eyes* linux version of msn...
af tamara10 16. februar 2009
Linux is NOT an OS (Operating System). Linux is the actual kernel from which the platformed distribution runs and obtains directions. The Linux kernel is an open source system which falls under the GNU General Public license. In essence, Linux is a compressed, open source platform of UNIX. The actual OS's (distributions or flavors) are gentoo, red hat, unbuntu, slackware (Although very similar to straight UNIX), mandrake, arch, debian, mandriva, etc.

The Linux kernel was designed and constructed by Linus Torvalds to provide a free, open source kernel for all computer lovers.
i.e. Microsoft XP is an OS. Microsoft also has a kernel which makes it run. Linux is the actual kernel for distributions like S.u.S.E. etc.

1. Hey, do you use Linux?
- What?

2. Hey, do you use Linux?
- I love that OS
You're stupid.

3. Hey, do you use Linux?
- Yes, why yes I do.
Righto, Chap. Well done.
af MeK 1 16. november 2005
the best 0S ever
1. its free
2. its powerful
3. its not mac OS X
Man linux is just the best

tux the penguin owns your a$$
af sneaker 4. december 2003
The OS equivalent of a hybrid car.
Steve: Have you heard about Bob? He uses Linux.
Dave: What a douchebag.
af Kriyze 29. januar 2014
Linux is a free operating system like free UNIXes. The most popular is Ubuntu(still), yet the even more stable Memphis Linux is what you really should have. The Russians and Chinese prefer Linux over Windows all the time. Most servers is either Ubuntu Server or CentOS. The WWW runs 60% Linux servers, because less viruses.

The most stable Linux ever created is usually always Slackware, yet no one heard of it (distro created back in 1994)

UNIX is obsolete in comparison.

Easier to operate than 2 years ago.
Person 1: I run Ubuntu Linux Server for my web server
Person 2: I run Cent OS, because its a free Red Hat Enterprise Linux OS.
Person 3: I'm a hardcore Linux user and I run Memphis Linux
af hellads2 9. november 2010

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